


talk me down

by gotchick



Series: xx hours [1]
Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 19:10:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11812392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotchick/pseuds/gotchick
Summary: He’s about to press the call button on Jaebum’s number when his phone vibrates suddenly, startling him. Jaebum’s gleeful eyeless grin flashes across the screen and Jinyoung’s heart jolts with an unmistakable emotion. He feels his stomach sinking and heart soaring at the same time.





	talk me down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myturntocry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myturntocry/gifts), [stolenflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stolenflower/gifts).



> i’m sorry this is so late (like… almost a year late omg) but i am planning to fill all the prompts i received on my xx hours request post, and also finish my other pending wips i’ve mentioned before such as the got7 rare pair bingo ;;
> 
> i decided to combine two of the prompts into one fic because the plot i had in mind for both of them was pretty similar and i felt they would work well together. myturntocry’s prompt was a songfic based on talk me down by troye sivan and stolenflower’s prompt was:
> 
> "JJP pining!au where Person A (Is it okay to assign characters cause I was thinking Jinyoung for Person A and Jaebum for Person B) is in love with Person B and it's a known fact in their social circles but Person B is still super in love with his ex or still chasing after his childhood crush even though he always comes second to him/her. Bc of this both boys are in a push & pull relationship where Person B will play along with Person A but at the same time, tell him that he doesn't want a relationship, leading to much angst and sadness."
> 
> thank you both for leaving me such lovely prompts which i had fun writing and were pretty easy to expand on and develop upon! if you’re still around ficdom, i hope you enjoy reading :)

_I wanna sleep next to you_  
_but that’s all i wanna do right now_

It’s always been a point of pride to Jinyoung that he’s the only one Jaebum lets himself fall asleep in front of. He can’t relax enough to doze off around others, Jaebum says. They’ve known each other a few years now, but still, he isn’t Jaebum’s oldest friend. So Jinyoung is honoured to be his most trusted.

It’s not a sight he shows many people, but Jaebum’s other friends and family would be surprised to know what a cuddlebeast he can be. Murmuring blissfully that Jinyoung is more comfy to hug than any bolster, Jaebum snuggles up against him artlessly, wrapping a strong arm around his chest and holding Jinyoung immobile till he wakes.

Jinyoung stills in that position, feeling Jaebum’s evening heartbeat thumping against his shoulder, half the speed of his own. He’s glad he decided to wear a thick sweatshirt today, so he won’t have to worry about Jaebum noticing and asking awkward questions which he himself hasn’t found the answers to.

 

But mostly, thankfully, Jaebum just drifts off next to him without reaching out, seeming to be content with Jinyoung’s proximity and his faint scent and Jinyoung’s soft, warm bedspread and cozy golden nightlight. Jinyoung reaches out to shake him awake, but stops with his hand hovering above Jaebum’s shoulder. Jaebum looks visibly worn out, soft shadows beneath his eyelashes. He looks so at home in Jinyoung’s bed, like this is the best rest he’s gotten in a while. Jinyoung guesses it won’t hurt to let him stay till morning.

 

In the morning, he blinks awake groggily, remembering that Jaebum is in his bed and hastily rubbing a discreet hand over his face to check for eye-dirt and dried drool. But Jaebum is already up, walking in looking refreshed from Jinyoung’s bathroom.

“Oh hey, sorry I fell asleep, your bed was just too comfortable. Thanks for letting me stay.”

“No problem.”

Similar pleasantries are exchanged every time, an awkward smile Jaebum doesn’t seem to notice. He beams back, more casually breathtaking than Jinyoung could ever hope to be in his bedhead.

“Come to the kitchen after you wash up. I’ll whip up some breakfast for you.”

“Okay.”

 

The birds are chirping outside his window, honeyed sunlight streaming through the curtains. It’s so nice waking up with Jaebum, Jinyoung is humming as he leaps out of bed and goes to brush his teeth. A delicious aroma is already drifting from the kitchen, pots and pans banging cheerfully. Jaebum is always in a good mood when he gets a restful night’s sleep.

Except — except, Jinyoung can’t help wondering what Jaebum would say if he hadn’t replied with his usual coolness to his thanks. He wonders what kind of face Jaebum would make had Jinyoung not followed the script, said, “Don’t sleep over anymore. It’s uncomfortable for me,” or “I want you in my bed every night.”

He can’t help wondering if Jaebum would have pushed him off like an annoying, clingy girl if Jinyoung had done what he wanted as Jaebum was dozing off, looking ever so cuddly, and slung a possessive arm around his chest and never let go.

 

 _and i wanna come home to you_  
_but home is just a room full of my safest sounds_

“I moved out,” Jaebum shrugs when he rings Jinyoung’s doorbell with an armful of duffel bags, spearing his fingers through his hair. “Your parents won’t mind me staying a few days, right?”

 _I’ll mind_.

The words are in his throat before he knows it, but thankfully his brain-to-mouth filter stops him in time. Jaebum looks so frustrated and disheveled, despite his feigned carelessness, that Jinyoung sees through his fluster in a heartbeat.

His heart softens against his will as he opens the door wider. “I can ask.”

Jaebum lights up. It’s almost worth the pretence.

He pushes past Jinyoung before he can say anything more. Walks to the couch and flings himself down with a relieved sigh, settles in and picks up the TV remote, channel-surfing.

“What’re you still standing there for, doofus? Your favourite drama is starting.”

Jinyoung closes the door slowly.

“Hey.” Jaebum’s voice stops him.

He turns, but Jaebum’s eyes are still distracted on the screen, speaking without glancing at him.

“Do you have any snacks in the fridge? I’m famished.”

 

Surprising neither of them, Jinyoung’s parents agree readily that Jaebum can stay as long as he needs. They call his parents and get their permission too. So that’s settled, then. Jaebum will be here indefinitely, in Jinyoung’s house, in his room. His musk in Jinyoung’s sheets and Jinyoung’s shampoo in his hair on Jinyoung’s pillow.

They start coming home from school together. They spend every afternoon, all afternoon together. There’s a guest room and the couch but Jaebum says he likes sleeping in Jinyoung’s bed better. When Jinyoung offers to take the other room, he petulantly insists that Jinyoung stay.

“You’re part of your bed.” He cocks his head and smirks irresistibly. “How can I sleep without my personal bolster?”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes and sighs long-sufferingly. Jaebum looks delighted.

 

“I’m never going back,” Jaebum declares one night, as they lie side by side, only the lengths of their arms touching. When Jinyoung closes his eyes Jaebum’s mellow bass seems to fill his entire room.

Jaebum prods him when he doesn’t respond. “I said I’m going to live here forever,” he says, sounding inordinately like a four-year-old.

“You want this to be your home?” Jinyoung blurts out rashly, meaning this room, this bed. Meaning himself.

There’s a pause while he stops breathing. Then Jaebum laughs, sounding breathless. Jinyoung doesn’t know whether he understood what he was asking. Jaebum’s thoughts have remained far too mysterious to him for his comfort.

“I wish. I don’t know… I just feel so safe here. With you.”

His ambiguous words both thrill and frustrate Jinyoung. He wants nothing more than to ask, _What’s stopping you?_

But he’s afraid Jaebum will answer, _It’s impossible_.

 

 _‘cause you know that i can’t trust myself with my 3am shadow_  
_i’d rather fuel a fantasy_  
_than deal with this alone_

By the time he patches up with his family and moves back two weeks later, Jinyoung has already grown so used to Jaebum’s presence that the relief feels empty. Still, it is nice to have his whole bed back to himself and his room feeling more spacious and less short of oxygen.

It isn’t a few days before Jaebum calls him again. At three in the morning.

“Are you okay?” are Jinyoung’s groggy first words. The last time Jaebum called him in the darkest hours of the night, he was drunk and babbling incoherently.

Today, he is quiet and subdued, the silence lengthening over the phone.

“Say something,” Jinyoung urges, pleads. He sits up in bed and rubs his eyes, now wide awake.

Jaebum mumbles something too inaudible to hear.

“What?”

“Can you… come over right now? I don’t trust myself not to do anything stupid until morning.”

Jinyoung curses and flings the covers off his legs, swinging them off his bed. His heart is racing, only just having heard the urgency and hollow note in Jaebum’s voice.

“Stay there,” he commands before hanging up to dress. “Don’t move. I’ll be over in fifteen.”

 

Jaebum falls into his arms, limp and pliant when he barges into his house. Jinyoung’s hands are instantly on his back and his heart is galloping, but he doesn’t care, figuring Jaebum will chalk it up to the exertion of the bike ride there.

“What happened?” Jinyoung whispers, dipping his mouth to Jaebum’s ear. But Jaebum just shakes his head mutely, wisps of hair brushing Jinyoung’s lips.

“I just needed you. I couldn’t handle it alone.”

“I’m here now. Let’s go back to bed, okay?”

Jaebum is looking up at him with bright eyes like Jinyoung is his hero, clutching at Jinyoung’s biceps like a lifeline. “Will you stay till morning?”

Jinyoung softens, running a hand over his side. Jaebum looks smaller, less certain of himself in his oversized sleep shirt.

“Of course. That’s what I came for, isn’t it?”

 

 _so come over now_  
_and talk me down_

“You’re the best,” Jaebum says the next morning, waking Jinyoung up with a chaste cheek kiss. Jinyoung’s heart about stops.

“Wh-what was that?” His fingers fly to the spot where the touch of Jaebum’s lips lingers on his skin. He stares up at Jaebum’s face in wonder, hopes they’re not trembling.

Jaebum simply smiles, and says quietly, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Jinyoung murmurs on autopilot.

Jaebum is already turning away, tossing a set of his uniform and a clean towel over his shoulder. “I don’t think you have time to go home and change. Just wear mine today and use a belt if the pants are too loose.”

Jinyoung continues sitting dazedly on Jaebum’s bed, in the middle of his unmade sheets, after Jaebum leaves. Snatches of the conversation they had the previous night as they chatted dreamily to sleep, facing each other, filter back.

He startles when Jaebum pops his head in the door less than a minute later. His heart quickens stupidly at the way Jaebum is narrowing his eyes intently at him, but Jaebum just says impatiently, “Hurry, dork. We’ll be late for school.”

 

 _i wanna hold hands with you_  
_but that’s all i wanna do right now_

The backs of their hands brush on the walk to school, knuckles grazing. Jaebum doesn’t seem to notice. Jinyoung shouldn’t either because they’ve touched each other more intimately any number of times, shared a bed any number of nights. Including the previous one. Hands touching accidentally is nothing. Hands touching purposely… is nothing too.

Jaebum looks over when Jinyoung slides his hand into his timidly, lips curling in a mild smile like Jinyoung is a cute puppy. But he doesn’t pull away.

At the bus stop, it is Jinyoung who lets go first. He does because he senses that Jaebum is starting to be uncomfortable with more people around, but won’t let go for fear of hurting Jinyoung’s feelings. And because his palms have grown embarrassing clammy. He wipes them discreetly on Jaebum’s pants.

 

 _and i wanna get close to you_  
_‘cause your hands and lips still know their way around_

He can’t stop thinking of the way Jaebum held his hand the entire day. If Jinyoung had known it would be so easy, he wouldn’t have waited this long to take Jaebum’s hand bravely. Jaebum’s hand enveloped his, feeling strong but gentle. Jinyoung had been wondering wistfully how it would feel to take his hand for so long, but he was more afraid that Jaebum would shake his grasp away.

Emboldened, he casually invites Jaebum back to his house after school. Jaebum readily agrees, smiling and Jinyoung’s heart gives a thrilled surge. He feels like it’s soaring, like he’s floating on clouds all day.

He knows he’s going to do something stupid the moment they step into his empty house and the door swings shut, knows it with a trembling and unstoppable certainty. He knows everything is at stake, but Jinyoung has to take this risk when he sees the way Jaebum is gazing at him so softly and warmly, face open and lips parted.

In the dim afternoon sunlight, Jinyoung steps forward and presses Jaebum against his front door, leaning in.

Jaebum’s lips are parted under his own at the first touch, as if he’s on the verge of saying a word. Jinyoung doesn’t want to hear it.

His heart does some crazy acrobatics when Jaebum doesn’t push him away. It takes him a stunned beat to respond — but he doesn’t push Jinyoung off him in appalled revulsion.

 

If he’s being honest, Jinyoung wouldn’t have been so bold had he not known Jaebum has kissed boys — a boy.

It was this very boy he was upset about the night before. Jaebum was reluctant to voice out what was bothering him at first, but Jinyoung could tell why he was brooding.

“You’re thinking of that Jackson again, right?”

He hadn’t meant to sound quite so accusing, but the dark of Jaebum’s room where they were lying in his bed had made him brazen. But Jaebum didn’t seem to notice his frustration, too occupied looking flustered. The blush Jinyoung could see staining his cheeks in the moonlight answered his question, although Jaebum didn’t.

He referred to the boy Jaebum had kissed as _that Jackson_ only because he didn’t know him. He had never met him, but from Jaebum’s description he somehow felt that they had already met. Jaebum seldom described anybody so vividly or let anybody get under his skin. That was how Jinyoung knew this boy in Jaebum’s guitar lessons was different.

Special.

The only reason Jinyoung knows that Jaebum had let Jackson kiss him, and that Jackson had returned to Hong Kong soon after with only an impersonal goodbye, was because Jaebum had blurted it out that night he drunk-dialed Jinyoung. Jinyoung had listened to his tirade silently, heart pounding at the words spilling from Jaebum’s mouth and hoping Jaebum couldn’t sense his jealousy radiating across the phone.

This was a secret he would never tell a soul: but that night, after the call, he had biked to Jaebum’s house at 4 AM, called Jaebum’s cell to open the door for him.

Jaebum fell into his arms, much like last night, still slightly intoxicated, cheeks flushed prettily.

When he started running his hands down Jinyoung’s arms, his lips landing clumsily on Jinyoung’s jaw, Jinyoung didn’t stop him.

Because the heart that was beating out of his chest told him the answer to every question he had been wondering about for weeks, months, years, with a clarity that was devastating.

 

That night, Jinyoung felt his body responding. He kissed Jaebum back, urgently and with passion. Jaebum seemed increasingly lucid, whining Jinyoung’s name needily. But in the end, Jinyoung forced himself to stop. As a best friend, he couldn’t take advantage of Jaebum even when he was just a little drunk. Besides, he was way too confused and overwhelmed by his own feelings to think straight himself. He didn’t want to make a rash mistake they would both regret the next day.

He wasn’t prepared for their lives and friendship to be permanently changed.

So he biked back, pumping the pedals hard to work off the adrenaline sparking through his body. The next day when they met at school, Jaebum acted as per normal and didn’t say a thing about the kiss. He remembered calling Jinyoung, but seemed to be under the impression that the rest had been a dream.

Jinyoung was too afraid of his reaction to correct him.

 

So, today’s kiss didn’t exactly come out of the blue. Except that now, they’re both completely sober, and there is no doubt whether Jaebum will forget this kiss or know that it’s reality.

But his reaction confuses Jinyoung slightly, especially when Jaebum barely resists at all after the initial surprise and even responds with eagerness, flipping Jinyoung over into the more passive role.

Jinyoung takes this as a sign to go for it, no holds barred. He no longer cares about the consequences as his hands move down Jaebum’s body, lips not leaving his mouth as he nudges his knee between Jaebum’s legs.

Jaebum gasps softly against his mouth, sweetly shocked, but then he throws his head back and sighs indulgently, the way he did that night. His Adam’s apple bobs in the sleek arch of his exposed throat. It’s how Jinyoung knows that he wants it. That, and his sensitively responding body, the heightened temperature of his skin. The hardness Jinyoung feels when he grinds his thigh against Jaebum’s crotch.

 

 _and i know i like to draw that line_  
_it starts to get surreal_

All night long, Jinyoung replays the afternoon dreamily in his mind’s eye — Jaebum’s flushed cheeks and the soft, fevered sounds that Jinyoung drew from his lips: muffled groans and stuttering breaths.

He lingers on the moment just before Jaebum came from merely Jinyoung’s touches and gropes through his clothes, when he lost all control for a second and breathed through gritted teeth and hooded eyes, looking utterly debauched: “Jinyoung. _Jinyoungie_.”

At that unexpected word, Jinyoung unconsciously tightened his grip on Jaebum’s cock through the layers of his pants and underwear, causing him to shudder and tense up. Jinyoung felt a wetness dampening his palm, and looked down to see a dark patch spreading across the crotch of Jaebum’s grey uniform pants. He was breathing as raggedly as Jaebum, even though Jaebum hadn’t touched him and he was still — already — half-hard.

Jaebum’s face was even redder than before when he looked up, and he avoided Jinyoung’s eyes. Jinyoung didn’t really mind, because he knew Jaebum felt embarrassed. Jaebum shifted out of his grasp and backed off a little, muttering that he had to go to the bathroom.

Jinyoung watched him leave, heart racing. It still hadn’t slowed when Jaebum left his house about an hour later, after the most awkward afternoon they’d ever had.

 

Sometimes in the past, he would spend the night scrolling through his message history with Jaebum and reread the trivial exchanges they had, smiling dopily to himself as he recalled warm memories. But today, he doesn’t need to. Because for the first time, the reality of Jaebum’s cute, pink face as he blushed under Jinyoung’s gaze before leaving, is better than any daydreams.

 

 _but the less time that i spend with you_  
_the less you need to heal_

good morning, hyung ♥

morning, jirongie

i love you.

Sorry

What do you mean?

I’m sorry about yesterday. But I… don’t want a relationship.

 

jinyoung? why didn’t you come to school today?

are you sick? why aren’t you answering my calls or texts?

I’m coming over after school.

Don’t.

 

 _so if you don’t mind i’ll walk that line_  
_stuck on the bridge between us_

“Jinyoung. Hey. Please just give me five minutes.”

“What do you want?”

“We need to talk. Why have you been avoiding me?”

“Gee, I don’t know, hyung. Didn’t you say you didn’t want a relationship with me?”

“… I didn’t say I didn’t want a friendship.”

“Maybe _I_ don’t want that.”

“No. That can’t be true. Don’t do this.”

“…”

“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have done that, that afternoon.”

“You didn’t do anything, Jaebum hyung. I was the one who started it.”

“I shouldn’t have let it get that far. I knew we were making a mistake, but… Jinyoung-ah, it felt so good.”

“Then why can’t we be together?”

“Don’t say that. You don’t know what you’re asking for. I’ll mess you up. I’ve already affected your life enough with our friendship. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re lying. You would’ve agreed if it was Jackson asking. I know you still can’t forget him.”

“I — I can! And that was different.”

“How?”

“You’re my best friend, Jinyoung-ah. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I can’t lose you.”

“What if I don’t want to be your best friend? What if I ask you to choose, either be with me in the way I want or never see me again?”

“…”

“Forget it. I was just kidding.”

 

 _gray areas and expectations_  
_but i’m not one if we’re honest yeah_

“So what’s up with you and Jaebum?”

If even Mark, his classmate and closest friend next to Jaebum, has noticed, then Jinyoung must be really obvious. Mark isn’t known for being vocal and only speaks up about things when he’s really concerned. By now, though, Jinyoung no longer cares enough to be embarrassed.

“Nothing,” he replies tiredly.

Mark just looks at him, lifting an unconvinced eyebrow.

“Okay. But Jinyoung-ah…”

Jinyoung looks at him.

“Don’t let go of the things you love,” Mark says quietly, and gives him a warm smile.

 

 _but i wanna sleep next to you_  
_and i wanna come home to you_  
_i wanna hold hands with you_  
_i wanna be close to you_

On the bus ride home, Jinyoung opens his inbox and allows himself to look for the first time at all of Jaebum’s unread messages from the past week.

There are more than a hundred messages and almost fifty missed calls, a few from after the only time they talked. It’s overwhelming.

Jinyoung reads the latest ones first, heart speeding up pathetically even after all this at what Jaebum might have said to his parting words. He was too afraid and resigned to look before this.

But there’s no indication of any direct reply to his ultimatum, the messages mostly imploring briefly, “Can you call me?” or telling Jinyoung how much Jaebum misses him and talking to him; how lonely Jaebum feels when Jinyoung is ignoring him. Some messages are slightly incoherent and Jinyoung’s heart throbs as he wonders if Jaebum was intoxicated when he sent them. He feels appalled by his own cruelty.

 

He’s about to press the call button on Jaebum’s number when his phone vibrates suddenly, startling him. Jaebum’s gleeful eyeless grin flashes across the screen and Jinyoung’s heart jolts with an unmistakable emotion. He feels his stomach sinking and heart soaring at the same time.

Jaebum is so floored when he answers that he can’t speak for a few seconds. “You picked up,” he eventually stammers out, voice hoarse with disbelief and relief.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung clears his throat, suddenly shy.

“Jinyoung —“ Jaebum starts, sounding more serious than he’s ever heard him. Jinyoung waits with bated breath for his next words.

“I’m sorry.”

“For?” Jinyoung is confused, and also stricken at how Jaebum has been continuously apologising for something that isn’t his fault at all.

Jaebum pauses for a heartbeat of silence. “For being myself,” he says softly.

“No,” Jinyoung says immediately, instinctively. _I love you_ , he wants to say again, but stops himself from repeating the three little words that got them into this mess.

“I like you the way you are,” he says vehemently instead, pronouncing the words clearly so Jaebum can’t doubt them. “Exactly the way you are.”

“Jinyoung…” Jaebum sounds slightly choked up, voice thick with gratitude. “Thank you.”

“No, hyung,” Jinyoung hastens to assure him. “Thank _you_. And sorry… for being so wilful and stubborn and selfish lately. I don’t know what got into me.”

He hears Jaebum swallowing over the phone, sounding speechless for the first time at the way Jinyoung is calling him hyung without sarcasm for the first time in too long. “You weren’t selfish,” he protests, staunchly loyal. “You’re never selfish.”

Jinyoung suddenly feels tired. He’s almost, nearly forgotten what they fell out about.

“I can’t live without you,” Jaebum says, so quietly Jinyoung isn’t sure he heard correctly.

He can’t say a word, his throat lacing up. He can barely breathe.

A week ago, Jinyoung would have taken this sentence as an affirmation that Jaebum felt the same. It would have made his heart leap out of his throat.

It still does today. But Jinyoung is careful not to let himself misunderstand Jaebum’s meaning.

 

“Where are you, hyung? I’ll come over.” He suddenly wants to see Jaebum with a breathless desperation.

“Seriously? I just got home.” He can hear the smile in Jaebum’s voice, sounding as thrilled as he feels.

“Yes, seriously,” Jinyoung teases, his heart lightening by enormous bounds. He swings off the bus at the next stop and impatiently peers onto the road for the one that will take him in the direction of Jaebum’s house.

But Jaebum is quiet on his end of the line, not hanging up. When Jinyoung is about to, he stops him.

“I want to talk some more,” he says softly, sounding adorably shy. “I missed talking to you so much.”

It’s the same thing he said in almost all his messages, and Jinyoung believes Jaebum means every word of it.

He smiles, and lets himself reply, “Me too.”

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum murmurs, making his heart swoop at the pet name. “I’ve been thinking about what you said the last time we talked. I’ll be honest, I can’t make any promises.”

“Hyung,” Jinyoung stops him, flushing in embarrassment alone. “I understand. I told you to forget what I said.”

“But I don’t want to forget it,” Jaebum says gently. His voice is full of tenderness.

Jinyoung is quiet, his heart roaring in his ears. He sits down weakly at the bus stop.

“I’m still afraid of ruining our friendship, but — I wasn’t lying when I said it felt really good to kiss you… a-and the other stuff. It took me awhile to come to terms with how shockingly good it felt. Even better than kissing Jackson.”

“Are you serious?” Jinyoung interjects shrilly.

“Why would I lie to you?” Jaebum chides him. His deep, amused laugh makes Jinyoung ache in every bone. His voice softens bashfully. “I thought it was obvious how much I enjoyed it.”

“Well, y-yes, but I thought…”

“You thought what?”

“I didn’t think that was… because of me. I thought it could have been anybody.” Jinyoung’s voice grows smaller and smaller. He feels as mortified as the day he did when Jaebum blew him off. But he’s glad they’re finally talking about what happened. He never thought they’d be able to do so freely.

Jaebum sounds stupefied. “You thought I would let anybody… What kind of person do you think I am?”

“Sorry,” Jinyoung bleats, but Jaebum murmurs graciously again that the blame belongs to him.

 

“I meant it when I said that you’re so important to me I couldn’t take the risk — but the longing I felt for you the last few days surprised me with its intensity. I started wondering if it might be more than platonic. And then I realised — if anyone is worth the risk… it’s you.”

Jinyoung freezes, hands clammy on his phone. He’s never heard Jaebum sound so heartrendingly earnest before; never thought he was capable of such romantic words.

“Hyung,” is all he can say, helplessly.

Luckily, Jaebum doesn’t seem to expect him to reply. He continues in his low voice, which flows into Jinyoung’s ear and melts his whole body.

“I need some time to think about this carefully before making a decision. Precisely because of how much you mean to me.”

Jinyoung is dumbfounded by Jaebum’s seriousness. He is ashamed to admit how little credit he gave to how much Jaebum cared about their relationship, cared about him. All this time. All these years.

Jinyoung feels like the younger one he is — childish, silly; but also treasured, protected.

“You don’t have to feel pressured,” he whispers. “We can just be friends. I don’t need anything more. Honestly.”

Jaebum chuckles throatily. “I’ll take that into account.”

 

 _but i wanna sleep next to you_  
_and that’s all i wanna do right now_  
_and i wanna come home to you_  
_but home is just a room full of my safest sounds_

For the next few minutes, they continue chatting while Jinyoung waits for his bus. They reminisce fondly about the year they met, how bummed they were when they realised that despite being born in the same year, Jaebum would be one school year ahead of Jinyoung. They discussed this with more solemnity than was probably appropriate, and eventually came up with a brilliant plan how to be in the same class in school. They decided together that either Jaebum would do so badly that he would be asked to repeat his grade, or Jinyoung would do so well that they would allow him to skip one.

In the end, thankfully Jaebum did not have to fail all his subjects on purpose and mar his flawless academic record because Jinyoung studied so hard his already excellent grades got even better and he was invited to join Jaebum’s grade and even better, Jaebum’s class. It was the best years of their lives, being classmates and becoming best friends, and even after they were separated into different classes, they remained so and only grew closer.

Five years have passed in the blink of an eye. Jinyoung never noticed time passing in their friendship, because it was effortless, the way falling for Jaebum was.

 

The bus rolls up finally, and Jinyoung’s breath hitches. Jaebum’s voice sounds so adoring and beloved over the phone that Jinyoung wants to fly over to his side as recklessly as Icarus towards the sun right now.

“Where are you?” he asks again, settling down in his seat and watching the scenery flash past the window as the bus speeds up, carrying him towards his best friend.

Jaebum smiles in a way he can hear over the phone.

“I’m looking out of my window waiting for you,” he says, nothing in his voice but understanding and forgiveness and gratitude. “Come over now and talk me down.”

 

 _so come over now  
_ _and talk me down_

 

(lyrics by troye sivan)

**Author's Note:**

> i love all my subscribers :3


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